Just some random ramblings on Owen's birth - the preparation, the actual birth, the post-partum recovery.

Preparation
I knew as soon as Alec was born I would do things differently the next time around. I knew I wanted to try for a VBAC but I wasn't sure exactly "how" I would go about it. But I had strong feelings that natural birth would be the way to do it, since I was so terrified of uterine rupture I knew I wanted to be able to feel anything the second something went wrong.

An aquaintance of mine here is a birth instructor and she was just always so sweet, asking me about the pregnancy, talking to me about my c-section experience, my feelings about it and this subsequent birth that when she told me she was going to be offering a birth class I decided to sign up for it. Danielle was just so passionate and empathetic about birth, talkign to her was good therapy and I knew that was more what I needed from a birth class rather than breathing exercises. I knew most of my challeneg would be mental, I had to gireve and come to terms with Alec's birth, I had to believe my body could birth a baby if I ever wanted to have a VBAC.

The class turned out to be excellent therapy. It was small, just us and another couple. It was actually her 3rd pregnancy and she had had two traumatic vaccuum births and was hoping to have a different experience this time around. So we were coming from similar places with similar goals. Neither her husband or Mike made it to many classes b/c of their grad school schedules so often it was just the three of us ladies, sitting around, eating, talking about birth, about babies, about life. I really looked forward to those nights.

As part of the class we did a lot of visualization exercises and I swear they helped. Both to relax me and literally to open up and have this baby. Danielle did a birth visualization for me three days before Owen was born and for the next three nights I said the visualization to myself and I really swear that this is why my body was so ready and I arrived at the hospital at 10 cm. The power of the mind is truly amazing.

The classes followed the Birthworks philosophy and I can not reccomend them enough. Should we have a third child I'll probably do a Birthworks class again.

Another thing I did differently this time around was prenatal yoga, and in general just being more physically active - not sitting at a computer desk all day. Chasing Alec around I am sure helped, not to mention lifting his 40 lb self all the time.

I was obsessed with this baby not being posterior. I really felt that was the crux of the probelm with Alec's birth, though the added interventions didn't help. I tried my best to have the right posture - not slouching, knees below hips at all times, sleeping only on my left side, etc. I guess it worked! Now if only I could figure out how to get my babies to be lower I might think about doing this again!

I believe the Blessingway my friends had for me before the birth also was very powerful and helped immensely with the birth - all that strong birthing power in that necklace!

So many different things collided to make this birth possible and as great as it was. I am so glad we had our "oops" baby when and where we did. He was meant to be in so many ways. Owen is truly a blessing to us.

Birth
Birth itself was different than I thought it would be. First, it was much more painful. Since I had the epidural with Alec I wasn't aware of the level of pain contractions can hit. Of course, now I can barely remember as my mind and the hormones have kindly dulled the pain, but I remember my thoughts about the pain and I know it was bad!

I think because my labor happened so fast, especially the transition part, I just wasn't prepared for the pain. There was no build up. The contractions went from manageable to unmanageable - no in-between. The only relief seemed to come with pushing, which was exhausting in and of itself. Often during the process I asked myself why I had wanted to do this so badly, and I kept wondering how women through the ages had done this. Honestly I think that is what got me through, thinking of all the women through the ages who had done this without drugs, without the safety net of the hospital that I had. Amazing.

As I wrote in Owen's birth story, the actual birthing was not what I imagined it would feel like. I also think I was in shock over it all, that I was actually having a VBAC! Even through all my preparation, visualization, affirmations, I know that in the very back of my mind was a seed of doubt. We'd had such a string of bad luck, I just felt the birth would not go right. Thankfully I couldn't have been more worng. It was a wonderful experience and thankfully I got an amazing, healthy, happy baby boy out of it.

After the birth, I felt so run over. I felt like I never wanted to do it again, couldn't understand how women do this more than once. And I felt like this for a couple days. I didn't realize what new appreciation I would have for the expression "watermelon through a straw". I didn't realize how much my bottom would hurt, how my stitches would swell. I just assumed after a regular birth all is well, you can literally jump right up and back into life. How foolish I was! But recovery was nothing like the c-section recovery and I am grateful for that. And really, the human body has an amazing capacity to heal. 2 weeks later, I feel physically healed. And there is no emotional healing, not like last time. This time all emotions were good.

The nurses and a good friend of mine were like "Don't you feel so strong, so powerful?" "You birthed this big baby naturally without drugs, aren't you porud?" And all I could think was - "no! my bottom hurts!" But now, 2 weeks later I do feel that way. I trained and trained for this marathon event and I aced it. I kicked some butt, I pushed this 9 lb 5 oz baby out of my body and I am damn proud. I'm even thinking I might be able to do this again someday.