May 2004
35w5d
Home stretch! Ack.
Things are good I guess, just feeling large and cumbersome. So hard to bend over or even squat. I find myself short of breath a lot which is a bit worrisome. But Mike did point out that I have now gained over 1/3 of my original weight. Scary, scary thought. No wonder I ache!
Baby has started moving so much more now and i am so happy - 1) b/c I am no longer worried he was being deprived of oxygen and 2) as the end draws nearer I am getting sad to miss these amazing kicks. This baby has just not been a mover. He's quiet and hasn't even had the hiccups. Very different from his big brother who was a big roller and thumper in the womb and constantly had hiccups. I miss those feelings - I feel a bit gipped this time around I guess. Silly I know, but those are feelings.
Today I was faced with my girth head-on and had a really hard time maneuvering. We were at the grocery store and of course Alec wanted to ride in a "car" cart. Those things may be great for kids but are a major PITA to steer, and for a 9 month pregnant woman they are down right dangerous. But the worst came when I tried to unload the cart. I couldn't reach over the car part to get into the basket so I tried it from behind, I could get all the groceries out except the ones towards the front. After much maneuvering and trying to lean forward, I gave up and wheeled the cart up to the cashier and told him I couldn't reach my groceries. I felt like a big loser and the look on this 18 year old's face showed he felt the same. Dork.
And then of course when I was doing the dishes tonight I realized I was most comfortable leaning on my elbows on the sink, otherwise I have to stand way too far away from the sink to accommodate the belly.
I can't make it through an afternoon now without a nap. I'm trying so hard to get things organized before I birth, but it feels like an uphill battle. So much junk! So many toys! So much crap! And such a small apartment. Nothing like one room serving as living room, playroom, dining room and office. Fun, huh? At this point I don't care where we end up moving as Iong as it is eventually to a house with ample storage! Ah, to have a basement. And an attic. And a garage. Just decadent.
I waffle between confidence and fear about the VBAC. I try visualizing the baby crowning and coming gout and that seems to help. It's when the visualization turns into one of him getting stuck half in and half out that I freak out. The lack of movement last week didn't help matters either. All I could think of was stillbirth. Please God let this baby be born healthy. Please.
Birth timing is just so random. I could be sitting here typing this happily and go into labor a few hours later. I am hoping for a day labor this time though. Night labors are so exhausting working on no sleep. But seriously, it just seems so weird, that one minute I won't be in labor, and the next minute I will be and my whole world will change irreversibly in a few short hours.
36w0d
Your movements are getting so painful
baby! I've been having a lot of cramps lately so I am hoping some progress
is being made - would love to get to the hospital already halfway dilated.
The restrictions on VBACs are such a pain I know it will be stressful, so
halfway there would be sweet.
Am still freaking out that I could have you very soon now. One minute sitting here planning the next day, the week, and boom - so long plans! Baby time!
Michael is off to Boston for a job interview which is ironic because he came here for a business school interview from Boston when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I hope the cosmic symmetry here means good news. All fingers and toes crossed.
36w3d
Well, I think things are happening. Woke up
this morning with some spotting. Not a lot but enough that it made it REALLY
hit home that, yes, this baby is coming, and probably coming sooner rather
than later. Wow! Starting to feel all sappy towards Alec now, he just really
has no clue how dramatically his life is about to change. Please wait and
come after the 15th though baby, Michael will be done with exams then and
things will be so much calmer.
36w4d
Well still a bit of spotting nothing too major yet. Have my OB appointment
tomorrow so may know more then. Today was also Mother's Day. Was very nice.
Mimi and Grandad Jack came to visit and we had a nice lunch together and then
Michael and I went to the movies while they watched Alec. And for some reason
I am just exhausted. And I had a pretty relaxing day! This baby is just really
draining all my energy, not too mention the exhaustion of carrying around
40 extra pounds. Just so hard to move around these days.
Some days I think I am ready to have this baby now, others not so much. I'm really enjoying the kicks and movements now, despite their pain, because I wonder if this will be my last pregnancy. Will I ever feel this again? Makes me sad. Despite the many more aches and pains I've had this time around I will be sad for the pregnancy to end. I am looking forward to holding this baby though, staring into his beautiful old man eyes. And hopefully I'll stop getting any size comments after the baby is born!
36w5d
Well the doctor's appointment went well. Much
happier with this doc than the last one - he actually kept asking me if I
had more questions! I did still have to wait about an hour to see him though.
Let's see, gained about 2 lbs in 2 weeks so doing OK still I think, about
42ish pounds though. Scary stuff. Blood pressure was 118/80, normal but high
for me. No worries yet though. I had an internal exam b/c of the cramping
and spotting. He said not much going on, about 1 cm dilated so just at the
beginning which is probably what caused the spotting. Baby is high which worries
me a bit because of what happened with Alec, but I know it's normal for 2nd
babies not to drop until labor, so.... No sugar in my urine so all must be
well on the diabetes front still - yay!
The baby's heartbeat was 144 and at first the nurse measured my belly at 40 weeks - ack! I asked the doc about it and he remeasured and got 35 weeks. He basically said at this point measurment isn't a very good tool - I think I agree!
37w0d
Seem to be losing my plug. Gross but at least
it means progress. I need to have faith that my body knows what it is doing.
It labored and dilated last time, the baby just did not come out. Hopefully
this time it will do all 3 things!
Had my baby shower today. It was so nice! The ladies just had everything so nice and the food was all so yummy. The Blessingway ceremony was very cool and I just love my necklace - I know it will help at the birth! I'll post some pics later, hoping others got better pics - I look scary in mine!
37w3d
Nothing too much to report. Still a bit of spotting, but nothing really happening.
Tons of cramps and most painful baby movements - baby, there is no room to
stretch in there, please get your foot out of my pancreas. Thank you! I am
still convinced you are coming sometime soon baby, if only because I did lose
my plug already. But the more I say it the more I fear I am will make it not
happen. I will go crazy if you aren't here within the week. So uncomfortable.
Peeing 5x during the night does not make for a restful night. Not at all.
All I want is one night of perfect slumber before the around the clock nursing
sessions begin!
Though I think my belly shape is changing, more tight and ballish, more torpedo like outfront. I think these may all be good signs. I hope anyway.
37w4d
We met with our doula today to go over the birth plan and it was really helpful.
She did a lot of positioning and talked about different acupressure and massage
techniques to help with pain relief. So hopefully all will be well. It's so
exciting preparing for this birth, yet so fearful too. I think I am still
in denial that I can actually birth this baby and I really need to get over
that ASAP, I do not need the mental block in labor. Part of me can not wait
for labor to begin, sort of like a marathon I have been preparing for, just
waiting for the starting gun. Now if I can get over my fear of leaving Alec
issues as well, we will be all set!
37w5d
I feel better today than I have in a long time. Not
so crampy, not crampy at all. I fear that maybe the baby has changed his mind
and has decided not to come. That I missed some key clue and that labor has
actually passed me by altogether. Wouldn't that just be my luck?
We're going out for BBQ tonight so I'll lie on the spicy sauce and let it
work it's magic.
38w1d
Oh baby, I think you may really be coming soon! Had a doctor's appointment
today and was 3 cm dilated. I was very happy to hear this after all the cramping
and spotting, I would have been very disappointed had I been still at 1 cm.
Plus I was stuck at 2 cm for ages with Alec - well over 12 hours. That was
frustrating. So I am hoping since I have already broken past the 2 cm hurdle
things will progress well and my hope of going to the hospital at 5-6 cm will
come to pass. I have to go as soon as my water breaks so I'm also hopeful
that won;t happen in early labor. So much to still be determined!
I am hoping you come Saturday. Yes, that would be perfect. Mike and I have a date tomorrow, my mom is off all weekend, and I like the date 5/22/04. Not so keen on 5/21 but I'll take what I can get I guess!
Rest of the appointment went well. My BP was 122/64 - odd for me but I guess OK. Belly measuring 40-41 weeks (whatever that means, as we saw last week it is pointless) and gained maybe half a pound or so. Not bad.
I am really freaking out that this is real though. Really real. I'm happy my body is dilating and working as it should. It did last time as well, dilation no problem, descending down the birth canal = big problem. Hopefully that won't be the case this time, though I am a bit worried since the baby is so high still. Please come down baby! Please come out the right way this time!
38w4d
Still here. No baby. Lots of cramping, lots of mucus plug. Hopefully lots
of dilation. Ugh.
Alec's labor started when I was 38w5d and he was born 38w6d. I thought it was earlier but I just rechecked. So perhaps labor will start tomorrow. One can hope. Though I have little faith in due date prediction anyway so who knows. Maybe this little one is waiting for his paternal grandparents who arrive on Thursday (39w1d). Not a bad plan, though then I must insist he come on Friday which is the 28th. That would give him, Alec and Michael 28th birthdays. That would be cool. Except that's a long week ahead for me.
As much as I want this baby out, I know I'll miss being pregnant. And I wonder if I will ever be pregnant again. I waffle between being excited and terrified over the birth. I question my judgment on the VBAC, I fear something going wrong and the baby being permanently injured from the birth. I wonder if I need an emergency c-section can my hospital handle it and get the baby out in time. Please just let this baby be born healthy - vaginal or c-section, healthy is all that matters. We'll see what happens with this labor. Don't worry baby, I'll do my best to take good care of you and get you here safely. And hopefully soon!
